Great Geek Quotes (Geek, not Greek)   ★

There was a very interesting thread a couple of days ago on StackOverflow (great site, by the way) on “Great Programming Quotes” and it got some great responses. Read it here.

Here is a selection of some of my own favorite geek quotes. Most of them are from the Bugzilla quip list I created at work (hence the flavor). I’m mostly posting these for my own future reference.

Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it. (Donald Knuth)

Anything that happens happens, anything that in happening causes something else to happen causes something else to happen, and anything that in happening causes itself to happen again, happens again. Although not necessarily in chronological order. (Douglas Adams)

– Why do we have to hide from the police, daddy?
– Because we use vi, son. They use emacs.
(via Michael Crawford)

One should expect that the expected can be prevented, but the unexpected should have been expected. (Norman Augustine)

I never guess. It is a shocking habit — destructive to the logical faculty. (“Sherlock Holmes”)

When trouble is solved before it forms, who calls that clever? (Sun Tzu)

The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at and repair. (Douglas Adams)

I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work. (Thomas Edison)

It doesn’t matter how beautiful your theory is, it doesn’t matter how smart you are. If it doesn’t agree with experiment, it’s wrong. (Richard Feynman)

In his errors a man is true to type. Observe the errors and you will know the man. (Kong Fu Zi aka Confucius)

Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better. (Samuel Beckett)

All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You’d be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men. (Isaac Asimov)

I never make stupid mistakes. Only very, very clever ones. (“Dr Who”)

Lance: If you’re all right, then say something. Mia: Something.

Two men say they’re Jesus, one of them must be wrong. (Dire Straits, “Industrial Disease”)

Dont like this bug? Hit the escape button.

If I had asked my customers what they wanted they would have said a faster horse. (Henry Ford)

If you aren’t sure if something is a bug, that’s a bug. Please file a bug and mention your uncertainty in the bug report. (Tabriz, Sun Engineer)

Who the f*** prints an email?   ★

Do you print all the emails that you receive? Any of them?

I have never printed an email. Never. Ever. Evar. That’s probably why it infuriates me to no end when I see something like the following at the end of one:

Please consider the environment before printing this e-mail. Thank you.

These self-appointed guardians of the environment are the same people who drive the fuel-guzzling Yamaha R15s, who sit in a closed office with the air-conditioner set to 24 C when the temperature outside is exactly the same, who keep the water running when they are wiping that measly beard off their faces, who… you get the point.

This is the exact kind of holier-than-thou attitude I despise. The obvious implication of them adding that line at the end of every email they send me is that they consider me to be a snob who cares shi*t for the environment. Yo! you’re living in a house with glass walls, stop throwing stones at me.

Actually, I might be wrong. Maybe they are not sporting that despicable attitude. Maybe they are just plain stupid.

If you’re wondering “what’s wrong with a single line at the end of an email?”, you’re clearly not seeing the big picture my friend. Think of all the bandwidth these lines waste. If you don’t think it is much, just think of all the sleaze you could’ve downloaded instead of those stupid lines. Ah, now you see! Of course, don’t forget all the time you’ve wasted reading all those stupid lines. Think of how much sleaze you could’ve watched in that time. Do I see enlightenment in those eyes of yours? ;)

More than anything else, those lines are plain insulting. If you are one of the accused, please, for the love of the environment, stop giving gyan in your emails. The world does not need it. Certainly not from you.

Astrology is…   ★

“The mass cultural delusion that the sun’s apparent position relative to arbitrarily defined constellations at the time of your birth somehow affects your personality.”

From the sitcom “Big Bang Theory.”

Watch from 1:27 in the following video.

Bangalore is…   ★

…a place where you can pick up girls on IRC!

Lately I have become quite fond of one line descriptions of anything and everything. Thinking of Bangalore this morning, this struck me.

No, really, it actually happened to me! No, I did not pick up any girl on IRC: I was lurking around on #bangalore on DALNet when this dude PMs me with “ASL?”; he was there to pick up girls and told me as much. I don’t know if he met with any success, but Bangalore is one of the few cities where he actually has a chance.

A CS Puzzle   ★

Here is an interesting puzzle a friend/colleague put me to a few days ago:

You are given a very (very, very ….you get how very, don’t you?) long array of natural numbers and another natural number k. The task is to find out if there is any the first sequence of numbers in the array whose sum is divisible by k (if there is any). Of course, you need to come up with the most efficient algorithm for this.

Useless hint: This can be accomplished in O(n), n being the size of the array. Update: I’m not sure if my solution is correct, so I’m not even sure if this (useless) hint is correct.

Barcamp Bangalore 6   ★

Starts tomorrow, 19th April 2007. Register yourself. See you there.

Barcamp Bangalore 6

We’re bachelors, baby!   ★

Garfield: cobwebs in dishwasher!

Garfield: What is this

Garfield: In case you wonder why I never married...

Garfield: We're bachelors, baby

Garfield: M...Ma...Maids

Garfield: Beauty is in the eye of the bachelor

My FriendFeed   ★

I have signed for a FriendFeed account. My profile:

If you are on FriendFeed, let me know, I would like to subscribe to your feed.

I’m surrounded by Quiche Eaters   ★

If you did not ‘get’ the title of this post, you are probably one of them!

I don’t remember how the conversation started, but I found out today that a lot of my friends have not even heard of the legendary Real Programmers Don’t Use Pascal and The story of Mel. So I am writing this post in the interest of sparing all the quiche.

From Wikipedia:

Real Programmers Don’t Use Pascal is an essay about computer programming written by Ed Post, Tektronix, Inc, Wilsonville OR USA. It has been published as a letter to the editor in Datamation, volume 29 number 7, July 1983. The title is a parody of the bestselling tongue in cheek book on stereotypes about masculinity Real Men Don’t Eat Quiche.

The story of Mel is a response, and a parody of the parody.

The Great Escape   ★

The Great Escape, originally uploaded by ukaaa.

Cool idea, awesome photography.